I am getting more hours at work! I'm taking the evening aid's hours since
she does NOTHING other than sit around and giggle at nothing. Not only
is it creepy, but it really pisses me off to walk in on Monday morning
to a full trash can and full laundry basket. It'll bump me up to 30
hours a week, about $100 per check, which all in all, doesn't seem like
much, but every little bit helps.
I think I'm also going to sign up for a vet tech program through
Penn Foster College. It's an AS degree, which seems a bit redundant
since I already have my BA, but whatever. Some of my credits will
transfer over and I won't have to take as many classes or pay as much in
tuition. Even still, I make a $1 down payment and pay $47/mo for 2 1/4
years and I'm done- considering they'll give you up to 12 months per
semester, and there are 4 semesters, this is going to be a piece of
cake. I won't feel pressured to kill myself while working, but I'll
still get it done way way before 4 years is up, lol.
It's going to be interesting!!
Monday, June 25, 2012
Thursday, May 10, 2012
I fail as a cartoon character
So, after getting our brand new (to us) washer and dryer home, we notice this lovely part has totally melted.
It's the terminal block- where the plug gives power to the rest of the machine. So, we replaced it- yay!
Of course, we kind of knew there was a blockage somewhere because the tub had issues draining recently, but we were kind of hoping it wouldn't effect the draining of the washer and dryer. Ha. It did. So, as it drains, water starts going EVERYWHERE, and I was in the kitchen grabbing celery out of the fridge coz I was hungry (yeah, that desperate for a snack, lol) and heard water pouring out of the drain. So, I run into the laundry room, and as soon as I hit the wood floor, my feet fly out from under me and I land flat on my back. Somehow, in this cartoon-esque fall, I managed to kick the living shit out of the furnace- which happens to be raised a good 4 inches off the floor. (You can see in the above picture the 2x4 the furnace sits on- that what my feet came up under and hit)
My poor feet right after the fall (ok, maybe 15 mins later, I had to change and crawl around the room for a few minutes first)
And this is my poor foot this morning in the ER.
After trying, and failing, to get to the kitchen for a drink last night, I almost passed out- to the point I heard the tell-tale swishing sound in my ears and felt pins and needles all over my body- even my vision was fading in and out. So, like any super sleepy and in massive amounts of pain person would do, I yelled my head off for Jay. Who came running in his sleep. He realized my back was dripping with sweat even though it was like 65 in the house last night, and grabbed a chair and paper towel for me... I tried to cool myself off best I could and take a few sips of water. Once my head came back, I hobbled into the bedroom and passed out til the alarm went off 3 hours later.
I called work and told the answering machine what happened, and the on-call lady called me back an hour later. Told me to go to the doc, and let her know what they said. So, I wallowed in bed needing to pee but unable to walk for about an hour, then we got up and Jay brought me some cereal so I could take my medicine, then we hobbled to the car and to the ER.
I must say, they were very efficient today! Right after they checked me in, they wheeled me right back to a room! (I was in a wheel chair) Never has that happened before. I even brought a book to read- and so did Jay. lol. The doctor came back after he looked at my xrays and was making a face. Apparently, I have a non-displaced fracture of the 4th & 5th proximal phalanx. Pretty much, the bone of my pinky toe and the toe next to it broke in a Y shape (on its side) on the bone closest to my foot itself.
So, I'm in a goofy shoe that doesn't bend and on pain meds, which I do NOT plan on taking that often and definitely off work til the weekend and maybe off longer. We'll just have to see. Of course, I can't drive either, which is driving me nuts. I need to go to the office, but Jay is sleeping. I also need my crutches out of the attic, but again.... the boy is asleep. I'm going to have to wake him up soon. I'm glad he's home with me today though.
In an almost unrelated note, yesterday (when all this clusterfuck happened) was the 11th anniversary of my cousin, Drew's, death.
It's the terminal block- where the plug gives power to the rest of the machine. So, we replaced it- yay!
Of course, we kind of knew there was a blockage somewhere because the tub had issues draining recently, but we were kind of hoping it wouldn't effect the draining of the washer and dryer. Ha. It did. So, as it drains, water starts going EVERYWHERE, and I was in the kitchen grabbing celery out of the fridge coz I was hungry (yeah, that desperate for a snack, lol) and heard water pouring out of the drain. So, I run into the laundry room, and as soon as I hit the wood floor, my feet fly out from under me and I land flat on my back. Somehow, in this cartoon-esque fall, I managed to kick the living shit out of the furnace- which happens to be raised a good 4 inches off the floor. (You can see in the above picture the 2x4 the furnace sits on- that what my feet came up under and hit)
My poor feet right after the fall (ok, maybe 15 mins later, I had to change and crawl around the room for a few minutes first)
And this is my poor foot this morning in the ER.
After trying, and failing, to get to the kitchen for a drink last night, I almost passed out- to the point I heard the tell-tale swishing sound in my ears and felt pins and needles all over my body- even my vision was fading in and out. So, like any super sleepy and in massive amounts of pain person would do, I yelled my head off for Jay. Who came running in his sleep. He realized my back was dripping with sweat even though it was like 65 in the house last night, and grabbed a chair and paper towel for me... I tried to cool myself off best I could and take a few sips of water. Once my head came back, I hobbled into the bedroom and passed out til the alarm went off 3 hours later.
I called work and told the answering machine what happened, and the on-call lady called me back an hour later. Told me to go to the doc, and let her know what they said. So, I wallowed in bed needing to pee but unable to walk for about an hour, then we got up and Jay brought me some cereal so I could take my medicine, then we hobbled to the car and to the ER.
I must say, they were very efficient today! Right after they checked me in, they wheeled me right back to a room! (I was in a wheel chair) Never has that happened before. I even brought a book to read- and so did Jay. lol. The doctor came back after he looked at my xrays and was making a face. Apparently, I have a non-displaced fracture of the 4th & 5th proximal phalanx. Pretty much, the bone of my pinky toe and the toe next to it broke in a Y shape (on its side) on the bone closest to my foot itself.
So, I'm in a goofy shoe that doesn't bend and on pain meds, which I do NOT plan on taking that often and definitely off work til the weekend and maybe off longer. We'll just have to see. Of course, I can't drive either, which is driving me nuts. I need to go to the office, but Jay is sleeping. I also need my crutches out of the attic, but again.... the boy is asleep. I'm going to have to wake him up soon. I'm glad he's home with me today though.
In an almost unrelated note, yesterday (when all this clusterfuck happened) was the 11th anniversary of my cousin, Drew's, death.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Honesty.
I have ADD and some type of anxiety disorder. I was first diagnosed
with ADD at the age of 6 (1987) and was put on Ritalin which I took up
to 100mg until I quit cold-turkey at the age of 12 (1993) while I was at
summer camp. I had hid a lot of the pills throughout my life anyway, so
it wasn't a massive blow to my brain to quit anyway.
Mom, I guess, couldn't handle me medicated or not, so she tried to find some other way to "handle" me... she put me on some type of amino acid pills that was supposed to help reconnect the neurotransmitters in my brain that because of my ADD weren't connected. At 12 years old, I began to have debilitating migraines. That, along with being a very awkward and shy kid, made middle school hell for me. I finally quit taking those as well, and my mom freaked out- again.
I had always done workbooks called "Stop & Think" as a kid/teenager. It was logic games, puzzles, and trying to retrain my brain to think like a normal person. There was no retraining... what was getting on her nerves, what I couldn't control or had no idea was even happening continued. As I grew up though, I learned little things to help me cope. I was often the one being yelled at, disciplined, or ignored. It effected my self esteem a LOT. I know I am smart, I don't focus though, I can't mentally push myself and because of that, I don't do well, often. Enter low self esteem and I begin to feel dumb. My dad often called me illiterate as well... it wasn't because I couldn't read and write, but I often said the wrong word, or stuttered. It's a slippery slope. After a while, I just believe I am dumb. Not uneducated. Just dumb.
Little aside- I began having panic attacks while I was in college. Looking back, I probably often had problems with anxiety. I just didn't realize it, and my family's propensity to ignore me made me feel like I just had to deal with it. Much like I did w/ my ADD.
Last year (2011), I went back to a psychiatrist (or psychologist? The one that can't prescribe scripts) to get back on medication. Here are parts of his evaluation...
So, you would think looking at this, that I am not as spastic as I feel. How could someone who talked to me for only a couple hours notice that I am not stupid, yet my own parents constantly made me feel that way? It surely wasn't pressure I put on myself. That isn't the point of writing this though. I know I am smart. I ought to be able to handle things the way other people do. I ought to not have problems with keeping our bank account, or motivating myself to clean, or to remember things. I should be able to do this. That is pressure I place on myself.
This pressure, I believe, is one of the main causes of my anxiety. My inability to accept that due to a neurological deficiency, I am incapable of doing things other people take for granted. To say that makes me feel like less of a person though. I don't want to be deficient. I want to be like everyone else. I don't want to have to make allowances for certain things because I can't. Because I want to.
I was never one that thought people with certain disabilities ought to just "get over it." No one is perfect. I never pitied them, because no one wants pity. I never thought about the day to day disadvantages we are placed in. I never put it together that some things just cannot be done by certain people. At least with my ADD, I thought I could find ways around it.
You know what I've been learning? I can't. I have to now learn to ask for help, and accept the help that is given. I have to look hard at my life and notice the deficiencies and difficulties I face and work with those closest to me so that they can help me get through them. I have to learn to rely on someone other than myself. It is hard to sit here, a 30 year old woman, and admit to myself that I am deficient. Broken. Incapable. Because I am. It's not a cry for pity, or an "oh, feel sorry for me and tell me everything is OK" because it's not OK, and I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. It is what it is. And we move forward.
Will I continue to flip out for no reason? Of course. Will I stubbornly dig my heels in because I feel I ought to be able to do something I mentally can't? Of course. Will I get over my disliking help? I had better.
That's really all I wanted to say. There's a lot going on in my head right now... a lot of processing that probably should have been done when I was a child, but not everything goes how we want it to. And that's ok. I am grateful for J in times like these. I am so thankful he steps up when I desperately need him and won't take no for an answer. I am lucky.
Mom, I guess, couldn't handle me medicated or not, so she tried to find some other way to "handle" me... she put me on some type of amino acid pills that was supposed to help reconnect the neurotransmitters in my brain that because of my ADD weren't connected. At 12 years old, I began to have debilitating migraines. That, along with being a very awkward and shy kid, made middle school hell for me. I finally quit taking those as well, and my mom freaked out- again.
I had always done workbooks called "Stop & Think" as a kid/teenager. It was logic games, puzzles, and trying to retrain my brain to think like a normal person. There was no retraining... what was getting on her nerves, what I couldn't control or had no idea was even happening continued. As I grew up though, I learned little things to help me cope. I was often the one being yelled at, disciplined, or ignored. It effected my self esteem a LOT. I know I am smart, I don't focus though, I can't mentally push myself and because of that, I don't do well, often. Enter low self esteem and I begin to feel dumb. My dad often called me illiterate as well... it wasn't because I couldn't read and write, but I often said the wrong word, or stuttered. It's a slippery slope. After a while, I just believe I am dumb. Not uneducated. Just dumb.
Little aside- I began having panic attacks while I was in college. Looking back, I probably often had problems with anxiety. I just didn't realize it, and my family's propensity to ignore me made me feel like I just had to deal with it. Much like I did w/ my ADD.
Last year (2011), I went back to a psychiatrist (or psychologist? The one that can't prescribe scripts) to get back on medication. Here are parts of his evaluation...
Whitney
is oriented by 4: person, time, place, and situation. She is above
average to superior in intelligence. She was appropriately dressed and
grooming was good. She maintained good eye contact and spoke clearly in
conversational tone. She remained relatively still; there was no
excessive movement. Affect was appropriate; insight and judgement were
appropriate. Thinking was logical and linear. There were no reports of
bizarre sensory experiences of delusional thinking.
So, you would think looking at this, that I am not as spastic as I feel. How could someone who talked to me for only a couple hours notice that I am not stupid, yet my own parents constantly made me feel that way? It surely wasn't pressure I put on myself. That isn't the point of writing this though. I know I am smart. I ought to be able to handle things the way other people do. I ought to not have problems with keeping our bank account, or motivating myself to clean, or to remember things. I should be able to do this. That is pressure I place on myself.
This pressure, I believe, is one of the main causes of my anxiety. My inability to accept that due to a neurological deficiency, I am incapable of doing things other people take for granted. To say that makes me feel like less of a person though. I don't want to be deficient. I want to be like everyone else. I don't want to have to make allowances for certain things because I can't. Because I want to.
I was never one that thought people with certain disabilities ought to just "get over it." No one is perfect. I never pitied them, because no one wants pity. I never thought about the day to day disadvantages we are placed in. I never put it together that some things just cannot be done by certain people. At least with my ADD, I thought I could find ways around it.
You know what I've been learning? I can't. I have to now learn to ask for help, and accept the help that is given. I have to look hard at my life and notice the deficiencies and difficulties I face and work with those closest to me so that they can help me get through them. I have to learn to rely on someone other than myself. It is hard to sit here, a 30 year old woman, and admit to myself that I am deficient. Broken. Incapable. Because I am. It's not a cry for pity, or an "oh, feel sorry for me and tell me everything is OK" because it's not OK, and I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. It is what it is. And we move forward.
Will I continue to flip out for no reason? Of course. Will I stubbornly dig my heels in because I feel I ought to be able to do something I mentally can't? Of course. Will I get over my disliking help? I had better.
That's really all I wanted to say. There's a lot going on in my head right now... a lot of processing that probably should have been done when I was a child, but not everything goes how we want it to. And that's ok. I am grateful for J in times like these. I am so thankful he steps up when I desperately need him and won't take no for an answer. I am lucky.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Why do we love zoos?
My dad and I got into a bit of a discussion about zoos the other day via email (or text? I don't actually remember). He's an optimistic idealist who wants them to be able to live in their natural habitats, while I pointed out that many species we enjoy at the zoo would be extinct if not for the selected breeding programs many zoos have. He then asked why we couldn't just breed a whole bunch of them and release them into the wild... My dad, ever the optimist.
Not the point of this though.
He sent me this article today from the New York Times Online, titled "Why We Love Zoos" - and after reading it, I wanted to share.
Not the point of this though.
He sent me this article today from the New York Times Online, titled "Why We Love Zoos" - and after reading it, I wanted to share.
"Why do we flock to them? It’s not just a pleasant outing with family
or friends, or to introduce children (whose lives are a cavalcade of
animal images) to real animals, though those are still big reasons. I
think people are also drawn to a special stripe of innocence they hope
to find there.
Though not a natural world by any means, more like a
collection of living dioramas, a zoo exists in its own time zone,
somewhere between the seasonal sense of animals and our madly ticking
watch time. The relatively quiet, parklike setting offers an oasis in
the crowded, noisy, stressful, morally ambiguous world where humans tend
to congregate. The random gibbering and roaring, cackling and hooting,
yowling and grunting strike ancient chords in us, a feral harmony that
intrigues and lulls.
Smells create a subtle olfactory landscape
that stirs us: from the sweet drops that male elephants dribble from
glands near their eyes in mating season to the scent signposts of lions,
hyenas and other animals. Just as dancers have body memory, we have
wilderness memory."
What I find more interesting about this, is that a large number of zoo visitors are adults without children in tow- much like J and I. It's a place to go, relax and just enjoy. Of course, there are the ever-present obnoxious children, normally being chased by the as-if-not-more-than-annoying-parents. Sadly, people like that are everywhere.
I have to say, I agree, though. The sounds striking an ancient cord within us, the smells bringing back a memory we can't quite place- very similar to that of a wild thunderstorm- the calming effect they bring to many people. Of course, I think thunderstorms are a little different in that (a) some people are terrified of them (I don't know anyone terrified of the zoo) and (b) it seems to be the raw power or chaos of storms that is most calming. I don't know if I find zoos chaotic (not talking about the visitors, I mean the zoo itself).
Now, I must find another zoo to visit. My inner cave-woman is not quite satiated yet.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Tulsa Zoo!
Pictures, Finally! I know.
J and I ventured out on a beautiful Sunday (way too beautiful for January!) and visited the zoo in Tulsa. I hadn't been before, and really wanted to go.
This is only a taste of the pictures I actually took, but they are some of my favorites.
Asian Elephant
Cheetah
Giraffe
Giraffe with attitude!
Lemur, relaxing
Flamingo
Huffy Flamingo
Hiding Flamingo
"I'm gonna eat your face!!"
Flamingo
Giant Gourami - I can't tell you how long he posed for the perfect picture for me!
Monkey
I thought it was an iguana... I don't remember if it was or not
Some little mystery lizard
This one had a name, but I don't remember it either
Monkey!
Tiger
Meerkat
Rhino
I love this shot
Lions
Koi
Iguana getting huffy (he eventually hissed at me)
Leopard
White Peacock
Peacock
Well, hello, beautiful!
Otter
Little Chimpanzee
Momma Chimpanzee
Grizzly Bear
The rest can be seen here: http://flic.kr/s/aHsjypYuoK
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
I would just like to say...
when I wake up in the morning, I do not want to dance around singing a song after having only washed my face with something that smells like orange juice. that's just silly.
this picture cracks me up. Ryuu needed a comfy seat, I suppose.
this picture cracks me up. Ryuu needed a comfy seat, I suppose.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
I don't normally do this, but...
Mongolian Beef
-1lb of flank steak, trimmed (I use more b/c we love the meat)-1 1/2 tbsp cornstarch
- 1/2 cup water
- 1/3 cup firmly packed brown sugar
- 1/3 cup soy sauce
- 1 tbsp canola oil
- 3 cloves of garlic, minced (I use 1 1/2 tbsp of minced garlic in a jar)
- 1/2 teaspoon grated, peeled, fresh ginger (I use 1 tbsp of ginger paste stuff from the store)
- 1/4 cup sliced green onion (I never remember them)
1. Cut steak diagonally across grain into thin slices. Combine steak and cornstarch in a medium bowl- toss and set aside.
2. Combine water, brown sugar and soy sauce in small bowl and set aside (it'll fit in a big coffee cup too)
3. Heat oil in large skillet over medium high heat. Add garlic and ginger, saute 1 minute. Add steak- cook 3 mins or until browned, stirring occasionally. Add brown sugar/soy sauce/water mixture and cook 4 minutes or until sauce thickens- stirring occasionally.
I serve over jasmine rice. It's delicious!! ((And only 6 old weight watcher points... they've changed their point system since I downloaded it))
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